I'll admit something that may seem stupid to you: up until recently, I went through life thinking the only way anybody would know anything at all about me is by what I tell them. So if I say "I have a horrible memory" then they would instantly know that I, in fact, have a bad memory. It never crossed my mind that if I continually forget things and they notice it that they would then come up with their own assumption that "Splinter has a horrible memory" as opposed to me telling them. Forgive my bad example, analogy, whatnot.

The whole reason for the above admittance:

I visited my best friend this past weekend. We spent the entire Sunday trying to think of the name of a New Singer who received a positive review in a magazine I read and discarded on the train ride down on Saturday morning. We went from store to store with no luck; this particular issue was not on the stands as of yet. So there I am sitting in the car completely annoyed with myself for not remembering this name that I had JUST read the previous day and my friend turns to me and says "I know hon, you're really bad with names. We all know this." How did he know that(other than this ONE incident)? I AM bad with names because of my horrible memory. I never told him. So he obviously is attuned to me and my goings-on if he knew that much.

Or maybe it's just me. I always assumed that people would only know what I tell them and nothing more. I guess I subconsciously assumed that people wouldn't pay attention to my mannerisms, gestures, or small idiosyncrasies and only would pay attention to the words tumbling out of my mouth... at frightening speeds I might add! And what I chose to reveal would be the only thing they would know. Whereas, I have now realized that it's in the way I reveal these tidbits which give away something about myself.

I'm going to have to start watching my facial expressions as well, I guess. I've been told I have a very expressive face. If something bothers me, you know it; If something excites me, you know it; If I am amused, you know it; If I am depressed, you know it. It's kind of scary to all of a sudden be faced with the fact that you're not good at bluffing your way through life after all. And why did I even start to hide? I don't know.

Eh?

I'm pretty sure it's a Quebecer thing: I've noticed that we tend to jumble up our words to make these incredibly funny expressions. I used to think it was a Canadian thing, but no, it's Quebec through and through.

An example, if you will: "Throw the horse over the fence some hay." This is Quebecer for "Throw some hay over the fence for that horse over yonder." Somehow we have lost the ability to phrase sentences and questions properly. We'll end most questions with "for", which has become so gawddamned annoying that I have to literally bite my tongue each time I, or somebody else, have uttered that word. Another example: "What do you want to do that for?" And the funny thing? I can't even think of the correct way to phrase this question! I am a Creative Writing graduate who has stunted language. Gawd have mercy on me.

Yesterday morning, my mother and I sat on the metro and spent a good 10 minutes laughing over our abominable phrasing. My mother was trying to say "...I need to remind myself of that later." Instead she said "I will make myself a reminder." And the other funny thing is: I understood what she meant.

I always do. And yes, these silly little grammatical errors do amuse me.

I am me, you like me, therefore I'll always be me, because I'm me.

As noted in my 88 facts, I am an apologetic person. I'll apologize for doing things I haven't even done or said yet, or ever, or never. But I won't apologize for being a dork. It makes me lovable. I also won't apologize for being delusional about being lovable.